She was his sunflower shining in the sun.
He would destroy what brought her pain.
Her kiss melted his ice cold heart.
Her laugh made him remember who he used to be.
The boy that wanted to be loved and wanted.
Before the world destroyed every inch of light
With no mercy.
He was darkness; he was destructive.
He was power.
They looked at him with admiration.
With his power he would strip everything from them.
He tried so hard to keep his walls up,
but she could see right through him.
For the first time he felt something.
He became that little boy again.
In one single moment.
His hate subsided.
He was just a boy in love with a girl.

The problem though was wanting makes us weak.

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It’s not like us to go this long. Looking in the mirror at my own reflection, reminds me of how far I’ve come. It isn’t anything how I thought it would be without you. I wanted it to be better with you gone. I wanted to show you how far I could make it on my own. Instead. I’m standing in the same place looking back at you, wondering if letting you go was the right thing to do. It wasn’t easy to turn away and fight the urge to let you back in. I’m stuck in my safe place afraid to move forward. Life has continued and I’m trapped inside the walls that I’ve built. I wanted my life to be better, but my mind is more choas trying to keep you at bay. Sometimes I miss the darkness that made me feel powerful, but I know that you only set out to destroy all that I’ve ever known and loved.
The world is black and it is chaos. I’m blinded by what I started.

My walls are made of glass and all I see is my worst enemy staring back at me. I’ve tried to shatter the glass, but it is as strong as steel. I’m trapped in my own demise. Blood drips from my fingertips and splatters on the cold flood. My feet are drenched in my blood and no one hears my cries. From the depths of my dark soul I can hear you whisper. I place my hand on the glass and leave a blood stained hand print. Let me out from where I’m at. I look at my own reflection staring back at me. She forces a smile, because she knows without me life is lonley, but without me maybe she will be free. She puts her hand on the glass as I do mine. Our hands connected,but she looks at me with sorrow. Knowing she will never let me out. I’m chaos and darkness, all she ever wanted was to be free.

Blood drips down the mirror as it begins to crack.

Sometimes people doing less will make you feel as if they’re doing more, so you will feel inferior. I have learned to watch who is in my circle and be careful what I say around them. Pay attention to your surroundings and make sure your insecurities are not coming from how others make you feel. We will feel insecure and inferior at times, but a lot of times those feelings come from how others make us feel. I have realized that when I’m feeling better, excited or confident those people will drag me down. Make me feel that I’m doing nothing, because they want to feel like they’re on top. I have been dragged to the darkest parts of my mind throughout my life. I have made a bad habit of feeling guilty for doing better. For being confident, for feeling excited or joyful, because some people don’t want me to be stronger, because I won’t be below them anymore. Certain people use your insecurities and darkness as a crutch to make themselves higher and getting better makes their crutch deteriorate. Jesus has been working with me to no longer feel guilty for their inability to be happy that I’m getting better. Not to feel guilty that I have been brought so far and am finally awakening to who I was and who God has created me to be. Don’t feel guilty for doing better. Don’t go back to where you were for the sake of others or even for the sake of how you feel. Give yourself a chance to push through the barriers to reach where God is calling you to. People in your life should be praising your winnings not trying to remind you of who you were. Not trying to snatch the trophy from your hand and making you feel less than who Jesus has made you to be. We were never meant to be a crutch or a punching bag for anyone not even ourselves. Don’t allow anyone to hold you back and don’t allow yourself to hold you back. Keep reaching for what Jesus has said you are even if it’s difficult. Even the elite will hurt you, but don’t allow the status of someone to discourage you from believing who Jesus is and who you are. No one is higher than Jesus even if they have made themselves believe otherwise. Jesus doesn’t move from his throne for them. Don’t move from your position for them either.

Have you ever heard the story of the sun and the moon?

Her little girl looked at her with bright eyes.

“Well.”

Twirling her long blonde hair that seems to take up too much space for a little girl, but it reminded her of someone. She could never bear to cut it.

“What it is mommy?”

The little girl waved her mom’s hand away impatience in her voice.

“The moon was in love with sun, but they could never be together.”

“Why not?”

“Because the moon owned the darkness and the sun owned the light.

They couldn’t be together, but only to watch each other from afar. Love was forbidden for them both, because if the moon and sun were to come together the world would explode.”

“So they accepted their fate of never truly having the love they so longed for.”

She watched as her mom looked up at the moonlight. Wanting to know more, but her mom was carried away in thought as she always done.

“Tell me more, mommy”

Wiping the tears from her face, she turned to look at her daughter.

“That’s enough for tonight. It’s time for you to go to sleep.”

“But I don’t want to, I want to hear more about the moon and the sun.”

“If you go to sleep, maybe the moonlight will shine through and give you wonderful dreams.

She kissed her cheek and walked out the door.

The moon peered though the window as she slightly opened her daughters door.

A beautiful creature with blond golden hair and wings that were as black as the night sky stood over her daughters bed. He brushed her hair and took her hand in his.

Whispering so softly

“Let me tell you a story about the sun and the moon.”

Teardrops slide down her face like the midnight rain.

Sometimes at night do you cry?

Do you think of that time you tried your best and everyone said you failed?

Do you wonder why people are so cruel?

The stones they threw once hurt, but now you are too numb to feel.

Do you remember when I said I loved you?

Did you watch me walk away when your self-destruction became too much?

Do you wonder what could’ve happened if you believed me?

You were stronger than all the rest, but you let them get inside your head.

Do you know that even though I’m gone,I still believe in you?

The stones I built a mountain out of them. When I get to the top I’ll wait for you.

I’ll wait for you to take your stones and build a mountain too.

I called out your name,

but you didn’t hear me.

You were too far gone.

A silhouette on a wall

Casting shadow in

The corners of my light.

I didn’t say goodbye when

You first turned around

I didn’t grab your hand

As you walked away.

I stood in the shadows and

Watched you walk away.

Hoping you would turn around

and run my way.

In my dreams you said you would never leave and we would stand strong together.

Now, I cast shadows on the wall of your silhouette so a part of you will stay with me.

The stories that flow through me were once who I was. The past that created was the pain that I carried. Trap in darkness. Weak and alone. Depression was me. Anxiety owned me. I was not my own, I was owned by the darkness that consumed me. Anger. Rage. Pain. Make me your villain and I will show you what it’s like to be one. Tiny seed that will rot here forever. Pointless life I live that has no end. Wonderer in my heart captivated by your existence. Loved. Broken hearted. Abused. Left alone with no tears to cry anymore. Lies. Deceit. Manipulation. Smile means you happy, that mask fits on tight. That tiny seed in your hand is a dried up waste, but you only smiled and took my hand. A Savior whispered, “Just wait and see what I do.” This is going to be legendary.